Learning is a never ending process. Susan and I have learned that the more we learn the more there is to learn. There are so many levels or layers to people and things. When you think you know something, that is when you have achieved "limited" understanding. Welcome to graduation. It's a big step but know that now, it is time to keep going. If someone has achieved a major hit and they do not keep learning they can not keep producing hits.

 Ah...evolution and change the mantra for the of the 60's.  Let's take a look at the 50's to 70's, the 70's to the 90's. Back when I was (oh here it comes--I thought I would never do this) young people used to buy at Mc Donald's and than throw their garbage out the window. Nowadays that does not happen as much. What was the movement that changed that? Remember the Native American guy who was standing looking at Mother Earth covered in Garbage? He had a tear rolling down his cheek. The moment in people's minds that created change was our perception of what we saw.  This was followed by laws to enforce better habits.

We are creatures of habit and creating change can be difficult. It starts with recognizing we are doing something that is counterproductive to what we want or seek. Usually when someone needs to change a bad habits that is self defeating... there are usually many underlining factor. By taking baby steps we can achieve change. Most people think baby steps will take forever... just the first few. Once a baby gets the step down they begin to cruise with small determined steps.  Ask any parent of a 1 1/2 year old how hard is it to keep up with those baby steps at times.

So, when we feel a need to learn a healthier way to communicate, because we have just self destructed our world, as we know it; there are things we can do. All of our experiences play out like tapes in our heads. The good, the bad, and the ugly play like music that is not always pleasant. We often assume what a look or word means by an old tape playing in an old song.  It is easy to say just "don't assume" what the others may mean by a look or a word. We have our old tapes playing which prevent us from being open. This is where I like to say phone a friend for help to talk out of irrational thinking, even rational thinking sometimes. It may makes complete sense to you.  You just need to tell yourself, "you might be drawing a conclusion that is not backed up by fact." That can be hard to do when our tapes are playing so loud. It's important that you create your own support group.  Counselor, Books, people who encourage positive changes and challenge you in positive ways. 
Hey, print this paragraph out and read it when you feel challenged by those old tapes.  It may help you see that changes can happen at any moment. Be your own change. For this situation... think of it as your "Phone a friend" lifeline. 

It is easy to cut your own nose off to spite yourself. If you truly want to create a healthier way of communicating, then know this takes time and work. When the desire to change a situation arises realize that change starts with you.  A person may think they can control someone else's thoughts or actions but the reality is you can not. When we choose to control or be rigid, we lose a part or all of the very thing we valued.

If you can see the game playing, or dance that people do in conversation, if you can put a listener's cap on when someone speaks and a speaker's hat on when it is your turn, and be sure to allow someone take their turn and finish their thoughts, you may open an opportunity to work in unison with someone and something that is important to you.  Take a lesson from the geese. (reread this article in a previous blog)  This is what we all truly want is a community that works together. We will get there so much faster if we do.

Remember, life is messy, it has positive and negative moments, and teaches us to know the difference.  Surround yourself with positive people and use positive thoughts.  Watch uplifting movies, read motivating books and practice taking the high road when everyone wants to take the low one.  Hey, subscribe to our blog, take our classes and meet positive students and graduates who "do it" in their life.  If you feel a need to control something, control your immediate environment by surrounding yourself with all of the above.  Keep doing it until it is second nature!  BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.

So we have covered 

1   watching our perception because it might not be what you think. 
2   Be that scientist...Confer with those on what your perception is. Did you all come up with them same thing. 
3   Choose your words carefully. Do they really reflect who you are and how you feel? Are they kind, true and     necessary?
4   Phone a friend life line. Keep a group around you who will support you in the changes you are making. You need to look in when they suggest something. Also do not judge yourself sometimes we feel we are judge when someone is point out an observation. None of us are perfect. If someone can not point out a self destructive pattern without you feeling judged where can you honestly take that? Not far. Remember nothing is absolute so judgment who is really doing this? Is it you? Remember those who love you are observing you to learn from you not judging just loving and observing. Everyone who says they love someone really only wants what is best this why they bring you their observations. It is your job to take their observation and go inward with your tool belt and say is this something I need to fix?
5   Remember you are creating new health habits in communication and this takes time. You are replacing old habits. do not get discourage. Just do your best.
6 Do not try... do. Do not confuse this. Trying is only the moment right before the attempt which is called doing. You may or may not be successful, but you are still doing. Sometimes we need to review and do again.
 7 Everyone can shine. So when one is shining remember to acknowledge it... this way you shine too. We all have our time to shine.

This is all for now. Check back for more things to think about